The Beauty and The Penis
by AoshiKanazaru
Summary: Naruto, Neji and Shikamaru just chat randomly in the store, but about something fun


Naruto stops in front of the doors and looks up at the storefront sign, frowning. The wide front of the store is tall glass framed by round lights like the ones around old bathroom mirrors, with giant posters of models puckering their hot pink lips and wearing thirty shades of eye shadow. He looks at Shikamaru in disbelief.

"Uh, are you sure this is where you needed to go?"

Shikamaru sighs. "Just come on. Let's get this over with."

Naruto shakes his head and stuffs his hands in his pockets, following his buddy inside. A young girl in a black apron flashes them a smile on their way in, saying "Welcome to Oltra!" Naruto gives a friendly wave back, but Shikamaru ducks his head and speeds to the back of the shop, list in hand. On the right are more girls in aprons brushing makeup onto customers sitting in chairs, on the left are rows upon rows of lotions and shower gels, creams, cleansers, and more hairdryers than Naruto has ever seen in one place. Amused by the girls giggling behind him from the cash registers, Naruto catches up to Shikamaru where he's busy hiding behind racks of shampoo.

"You do realize we're the only dudes in this store, right?" Naruto teases.

"Shut up," Shikamaru chides, trying to find the bottles that match his mysterious list.

"I didn't know you were this kind of guy," Naruto grins, reading some of the labels and deciding to sneak into Shikamaru's bathroom later on to see what he might be hiding in his cabinets.

"This stuff isn't for _me_, moron," Shikamaru slugs him on the shoulder. "It's for my Mom."

"Oh like that's any better," Naruto laughs, dodging away the second time.

"Look," Shikamaru stops him with an irritated glare. "My Mom said there's this skeezy guy working in the Salon here who hit on her last time, so I don't want her coming in on her own and being harassed. Got it?"

Naruto peers over the rows of shelves. "There's a Salon here? Like for hair?"

Shikamaru sighs, not bothering to answer, so Naruto leaves him with the shampoos and wanders off to explore this store of wild, feminine products with it's 100% female clientele. Several more young girls in aprons approach to offer him assistance, blushing and giggling when he says he's fine and just waiting for his friend. Still, the urge to do mischief is nearly unbearable--what is it about this weird place?!

Eventually he wanders close enough to the sounds of electric clippers and blow-dryers to notice the sign that says _Salon_. And that's when he finds the weirdest thing of all--a display of hair extensions.

He can't resist.

The black headband with its long straight brown hair the color of his boyfriend's calls out to him, makes him go over there and lift it from the display hook. He glances to the right… he glances to the left… and then puts it on. He combs his fingers through the locks that fall forward over his shoulders, soft and silky just like Neji's, but not quite as long, and not nearly as gorgeous.

"There's gotta be a mirror somewhere," he mutters, moving around the display until he finds one. The halo of his blond hair in the front looks ridiculous, but he can ignore it well enough while being fascinated by the feel of the rest--it's heavy to wear hair so long without it being held up in pigtails.

"You're not seriously wearing that," Shikamaru comes around a tall fixture of nail polish bottles and catches him primping.

Naruto grins, fluttering his blond eyelashes. "How do I look?"

"Like a _pansy_," Shikamaru shakes his head, his lip twitching as he tries to hide his laughter.

"Hey, don't knock it 'till you've tried it," Naruto winks, sticking out his tongue. He turns back to the mirror and twines a brown lock around his finger, then jerks his head to flip more hair past his shoulder.

"Neji is really, really weird about his hair," he confides, thinking of the brushes he's forbidden to touch and the hellishly expensive, yet tiny bottle of goo that could mean the end of their relationship if he ever spilled a single drop down the drain.

"Yeah, well, most girls are," Shikamaru smirks.

"Fuck you," Naruto smacks his arm, and they laugh. "He could kill you, you know."

A hair dryer close by shuts off, and Naruto and Shikamaru both hear a man's voice wafting up from behind the Salon partition.

"Oh your hair, it is so soft. Like a little bird. I just have to touch it."

Shikamaru stiffens, scowling. He leans closer to Naruto and whispers, "That's gotta be the guy Mom was talking about. Fuckin' pervert."

Naruto frowns, listening.

"See, this hair, to keep it soft and strong like this, you need me to give you lots of protein, like today…"

Shikamaru turns away in disgust, while Naruto covers his mouth to keep from laughing out loud--where the heck does this guy get his lines?

"Today we did extra protein, and massage, to repair the hairs that are neglected. The protein is key, and also the strokes. One hundred strokes, minimum."

Naruto is half considering borrowing some of the lines for later when another voice freezes him in his tracks--

"Yes Hussein, you told me this last time."

Shikamaru looks at Naruto. Naruto looks at Shikamaru. Both of them are stunned silent.

"Please, yes," Hussein continues, "It is very important, your hair. It needs proper attention. I can give you best treatments every day--"

"--I think twice a month is fine, thank you."

What the…?! Naruto gapes at the undeniable recognition of his boyfriend's voice coming from inside the Salon.

"Twice a month is not enough, believe me. I mean that. You need natural proteins every day, or your hair will lose its, how you say… virility? Stamina? You must have good stamina for hair as beautiful as yours."

"I appreciate the advice, but I really must be going."

"Listen, come to my house. I give you proteins for free, very good organic proteins, big discount. Please, I want to. I do this for you."

"Hussein…"

"I want take care of you. You have beautiful hair, and I have beautiful touch. Don't even worry about it."

Naruto is so shocked by what he's hearing, he can't even move. Shikamaru finally manages to clear his throat and goad him into action just as Hussein's slimy voice creeps into his ears:

"I will do one last massage for you, for to relax. This is also good for the skin, for after you have the sex."

Naruto takes three giant steps and hurls himself around the Salon partition to find Neji calmly seated in a salon chair with a funny dark haired man behind him, hands buried to the wrists.

Enraged, Naruto points and shouts, "Take your damn hands off him!"

"Excuse me? Who are you?" Hussein tosses his head.

Neji eyes him curiously in the mirror. "What on earth are you wearing?"

Naruto looks from Hussein to Neji to Hussein, then points again, growling. "I said stop touching him!"

"He is my client!" Hussein argues, gesturing. "I will touch him all I like. You are interrupting, and I will have you removed for bothering my client."

"That won't be necessary," Neji unsnaps his black salon cape and leans forward to stand up.

"Please, do not go," Hussein puts his hands on Neji's shoulders. "We are not finished."

Naruto closes the distance and smacks Hussein's hand away. "Oh yes you are!"

"Naruto--" Shikamaru warns as two pregnant women who must be managers come around to see what the ruckus is all about.

Hussein points his finger in Naruto's face, "I can not work like this with imbeciles interrupting me and my clients! You will leave here at once!"

"Who are you callin' an imbecile?" Naruto roars.

"You obviously have no education and no manners!" Hussein waves a limp wrist to accompany his haughty sniff.

"You BITCH!" Naruto slaps Hussein across the face with an open palm and a swirl of brown hair extensions.

Hussein squeals and careens into a tray full of bowls of hair color which spill onto the next stylist's apron before splattering her client. Neji is shaking with the silent fury of total embarrassment, but Naruto doesn't stop to think and grabs his hand, making a run for it. Shikamaru, basket of shampoo on his arm, plucks off the headband of hair extensions as they pass by which saves them from being chased by the cops, though it takes quite some time for the incident to be forgotten by all the witnesses.

Once at the relative safety of their building, Neji purposefully shakes off Naruto's hand and glares, throwing open the door to their apartment. Naruto kicks off his shoes and hurries after him, worrying for the first time that his spontaneous rescue plan might have accidentally backfired.

"Hey, come on," he says, reaching for Neji's arm to stop him before he goes into the bathroom and locks the door. "I overreacted, I know, and you're weird about your hair and I know that but I just couldn't help it--"

Neji twists through the doorway and yanks him over to the closed toilet lid, shoving him down on it. Then he straddles Naruto's thighs and rests both hands on Naruto's shoulders, locking their eyeballs. "Have you _any_ idea how hard it is to find a good hair stylist?"

Naruto fidgets, defensive. "Well no, I don't… But why _him_?! Can't you just get different shampoo or something?!"

Neji frowns. "Naruto, do you understand _why_ I go to a stylist in the first place?"

Naruto shrugs, glancing at the ceiling. He makes his best guess. "For … uh … protein?"

Neji lifts his brows, the usual riposte after Naruto has said something dumb. Annoyed, Naruto swats him on the thigh. "Hey! If I don't understand or something, just freakin' tell me!"

Neji cocks his head. "Surely you can't be unaware of the damage you do to my hair, Naruto."

_"Me?!"_ Naruto is taken aback. "What the hell did I ever do?"

Neji's mouth crooks on one side. "You don't remember ever grabbing hold of my hair and winding it around your wrist to yank my head back during sex?" Neji slides his hands into Naruto's hair, then grips it tight to demonstrate.

Naruto flushes. "Oh, well… uh… I might have…"

"You don't remember taking a fist of my hair and jerking off with it, then taking another fist of my hair and jerking _me_ off with it?"

"Well you didn't complain at the time…" Naruto shifts, but Neji doesn't let him get away, adjusting his legs to sit even tighter in his lap.

Then Neji gathers a lock of hair and traces the soft tip down the slope of Naruto's nose, brushing it over and across his cheekbones and brow. Naruto closes his eyes automatically while his heartbeat thumps in his chest, listening as Neji's voice becomes that liquid sensuality that only someone like Neji can manage.

"You don't remember all the times you've asked me to charge my hair with chakra and make you squirm from the tingles on your naked skin? Or the times you've begged me to make it pulse inside you while I suck you off? Hmmm? Or the times I--"

"Okay, okay, okay," Naruto turns away, hiding his burning face since he can't hide the effect of Neji's words on his lower half. "I get it, I get it--our sex life is bad for your hair, I get it. Only _I_ didn't think that was such a major problem…"

Neji leans forward to whisper directly in his left ear. "So what are you going to do, Naruto? My hair needs special care to keep up with our sexual activities, and you just got me _banned_ from the Salon."

"What?!" Naruto jerks, shocked.

Neji curls his arms around Naruto's neck. "You dragged me away before I could pay, not to mention that you struck an employee; they're not going to let me back in there, even if I call tomorrow and take care of the bill."

"Oh _fuck,"_ Naruto winces, feeling like a total retard. "I didn't think about that."

"No salon treatments means no kinky sex--are you okay with that, Naruto?" Neji rolls his hips forward and shakes his hair over his shoulder to make his point.

Naruto shudders, sliding his hands downward to grip Neji's ass, horrified at the thought of missing out. He draws his fingers up Neji's body to comb through all that silk, itching to undress and be wrapped up in it as soon as possible.

Naruto swallows down his lust in the hopes of being able to negotiate. "I'm no trained hair person or anything, but… what if I promised to, um, brush it for you afterwards?"

Neji chuckles.

"I mean, I _did_ hear something about a hundred _strokes_," Naruto glances up into Neji's eyes. Neji doesn't say anything, so Naruto ups the ante and brings one hand around to Neji's crotch. "Or was it _two_ hundred?"

Neji's eyes flutter closed for a moment, and Naruto grins. He rubs Neji's bulge while angling forward to whisper, "I can even donate some _first class_ protein…"

Neji smirks, tilting Naruto's head back and looking deep into his eyes. "It'll take at least _a thousand_ strokes just to start making things up to me."

Naruto grins. "Oh really now?"

Neji nods, tugging Naruto's shirt out of his pants. "We'll discuss the shampoos, conditioning treatments and brushing rituals _later_."

"Later's good," Naruto reaches for Neji's shirt, then groans when Neji grabs his wrists and pins him against the toilet tank and wall, kissing him long and hard. Naruto relishes the heat of his mouth, the dexterity of that wicked tongue sliding against his and sending silent messages straight to his groin.

Eventually he manages to work one hand free and slip it down the front of Neji's pants, teasing and groping until Neji helps by unzipping his fly. Naruto grins into their kiss and wraps his hand around Neji's length, swallowing every sigh and moan that accompanies the rhythm of his wrist. In no time, Neji presses their foreheads together and closes his eyes before he comes, fingers tightening into fists with each climactic shudder and digging holes through Naruto's t-shirt.

Naruto gives Neji's cheek a playful lick, feeling no small amount of pride. "I only counted seventy-six," he chuckles, reaching for the closest towel and wiping them both down.

Neji's lips curve in a superior, and now _languid_, smile. He places a hand on Naruto's obvious erection. "_You're_ the only one who has to last to a thousand."

Naruto's mouth waters at all the implications. _"Not a problem,"_ he says, twining a lock of hair around one finger and using it to pull Neji's mouth down to his.

"Don't lose count," Neji challenges.

"Don't you dare underestimate me…" Naruto gets in the last word right before their lips touch, but by then words are no longer needed.

Between the bathroom and the bedroom Neji comes another two times, in varying stages of undress. By the time they reach their bed the last articles of clothing have been ripped away and discarded, bare skin flushed and glistening with sweat. The added difficulty of counting every single thrust intensifies the extended session of lovemaking to the point that Naruto bites his own forearm hard enough to draw a trickle of blood, determined to hold out no matter his body's urgent demands. The danger of such extreme pleasure doesn't stop them; Neji watches this happen, his cheek pressed into the mattress close by, amazed at Naruto's control. Naruto surpasses the thousand, giving five, six, seven extra strokes before Neji reaches back and moves his hair aside, baring the nape of his neck in acknowledgement.

Naruto's muscles falter off tempo at the erotic sight of that tender, unprotected skin, and he can't resist pressing his teeth into it, nose buried in the back of Neji's sweat-dampened hair. Neji moans, shuddering beneath him; Naruto presses their bodies tight together and holds on for twenty more strokes before the power of his orgasm jerks a breathy cry from his lips, tearing through his body in deep, successive ripples. He trembles for more than a minute, panting, holding onto consciousness through sheer will.

When he can, he loosens his grip on Neji's neck and licks over the indentations of his teeth, glad to see no blood. For a while they don't move, simply being still and letting their breathing return to normal. Naruto kisses Neji's neck and shoulder, squeezing him in a tight hug before carefully guiding their bodies apart and rolling to the side, onto his back.

Neji says nothing, but Naruto can tell from his closed eyes and the tiny quirk of his lips that he's more than satisfied. Grinning, Naruto takes a deep breath and stretches, thinking of taking a nap when Neji speaks.

"You're hired." Neji opens one eye to catch his reaction, and Naruto laughs. He reaches over to smooth Neji's hair to the side, out of the way.

"Of course I am," Naruto shifts closer. "And I expect an exclusive contract, too."

Neji leans up on one elbow. "It's a little early to discuss that; you still have a shampoo test and a massage test to pass."

"I say we skip the formalities and jump right into salary negotiations," Naruto chuckles, angling for a kiss.

Neji leans closer, smirking. "I expect you to work for free."

"You _beast_," Naruto chuckles, grabbing a fistful of Neji's hair and yanking him forward so their lips can meet in a slow, lingering kiss of unequaled beauty.

Through the rest of the weekend Neji tests him anyways, and Naruto passes--though he takes michievous pleasure in thoroughly messing up Neji's hair beforehand. He's pretty sure Neji doesn't really mind.

Hussein eventually gets fired for sexual harrassment, which makes Shikamaru overjoyed since it's now safe for his Mom to do her own shopping. Despite his first experience, Naruto _does_ return to Oltra a second time--but as Naru_ko_, and only to buy some blonde hair extensions. He hasn't shown them to Neji yet, but he plans to surprise him one night.

And nothing will ever be the same.


End file.
